WELCOME TO THE NEXT LEVEL - by Spazman

 

 

WELCOME TO THE NEXT LEVEL

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to the next level.... that's a Sega blast from the past.

 

I'm drinking vodka and coke cause it's all there is in the ice box.

 

Fellows that know me in real life know that I only post on YDs after I'm good and drunk and have no place to go...

 

My wife is studying in the bedroom. Only day three in new york, and she's already hammering at the DAT.

 

I've finally finished moving into my manhattan flat.... sort of. Well, at least I have a fucking kitchen table. woo-hoo. The chairs were a bitch to put together. I never want to see fucking ikea again....

 

Janet Jackson's "Doesn't Really Matter" is playing on my itunes. My very first jgirl-friend put that on there. She always loved Janet. Man she could dance like a slutty Janet and sing like an inspired Mariah. Too bad she was about as psycho as only an emotional artsy jgirl can be. I was 18. Fucking 18. and that damn bitch ended up putting me through more trials of life than Hera put on Hercules.

 

I still remember every detail of my very first days in Japan. i even distinctly remember the clouds and orange transmission lines I could see from the airplane window. I was coming over as an exchange student on the rotary exchange program. the program was structured as a yearlong exchange. For me, however, it wouldn't last for longer than a month...

 

I came over on the flight with a few other exchange students. very cool, rather attractive ladies the lot of them. one was a 2nd generation jgirl from kentucky that spoke no j. but she did smoke, so she at least had that going for her. the other two were anime fans. i never saw them again after customs.

 

I very much DID make a note that I wanted to make sure I again saw the next set of eyes that greeted me in arrivals...

 

I arrived in Narita arrivals expecting.... well, I don't know, but I wasn't let down. There was a few older guys, holding a banner welcoming me to Japan. A white girl from new zealand wearing a kimono...

 

and...

 

the most fucking beautiful girl i had seen up until that point of my life

 

Now, perhaps a bit of back tracking here is in order...

 

I grew up a dairy farm. kid you not. granville, new york. pop 2400 as of the last census. this ain't the city. this is fucking redneck town, usa. were the junior high girls have sex with the seniors with cars (okay, maybe nothing new there) while the junior high boys have "fun" by riding their dirtbikes to the slate quarry to chuck slabs of slate onto the abandoned bmw bug from 40 feet up. it was that or jacking off to the playboys in Frank's barn shed. real entertainment we had up there.

So, when I got the ticket to tokyo, it isn't an understatement to say i was blown away by the abundant hotties. but, like a virgin, I has hooked on the first one that caught my eye. And, as I would soon find out, I had an undiscovered lure for girls that can sing.

 

I distinctly remember seeing that girl in arrivals. For one, she was only the second asian I had seen in my life. Well, second whose name I would know anyway. She was about 5'5", wearing this hot little silk skirt with a white top and jean jacket. She had boots on and the hottest fucking legs I had ever seen. Beautiful brown eyes (that she would later educate me were, in fact, black) and wavy brown hair.

 

So you can understand the gap i was trying to bridge here. This wasn't just "old shoe, new shoe" this was more like "tonka truck, ferrari." okay that analogy sucks but i'm not a fucking writer and i'm drunk. at least i'm fucking trying.

 

I only got a few words with the mysterious new girl before I quickly shuffled off into the sedan with computerized guidance system. my new host sister and host father drove me home, all the while explaining to me that though the speak english it was imperative we speak in japanese exclusively. They asked me if i was hungry on the way home into chiba and asked me what i'd like to eat. I figure japanese was as good a choice as any, and we pulled into a japanese restaurant off the byway.

 

I quickly realized, upon glancing over the menu, japan was a place that was going to require some getting used to. The menu was not what I was expecting. I mean, on a few trips to the "city" (Albany, pop 128,000) my family and I would go out to the hibachi steakhouse or have some sushi. That was my idea of japanese food. Variations on this scenario would play out repeatedly over the next several weeks.

 

Moving in with my host family that evening was an experience too. My okasan wiping the wheels on my luggage before letting in the house, the no shoes rule. it was all so fresh and and new.

 

The house itself was incredible. the bathroom had it's own urinal, the shower room.... god why can't we have those back home? we were in the middle of some rice paddies in rural chiba. it was august, and the humidity literally made the sheets wet. and there was that rice paddie smell in the air. it reminded me of granville, when the farmers would light the fields. but it was different here. it was japan. and i was loving it, food and all.

 

my first week was otherwise uneventful. not that it really mattered, as it was enough just taking in the urinal every morning. I immediately set to work on hammering out the hiragana, and with the help of my okasan i had it down pat by the end of the first week. i was even starting to get a taste for her cooking, when it suddenly all came to a sreeching halt...

 

about day 10, my host dad told me it was time to move to my host family. yeah, it didn't make sense to me either at first, but apparently this host family was merely my "orientation" family. now, why the hell would i need an orientation family for just a week is beyond me, but that was how it was gonna be, and so i grabbed my bag (yet to be unpacked thankfully) threw on my sneakers and hit the road.

 

my real host family, it would turn out, lived in honda, just a few stops outside downtown chiba, but enough to still be considered countryside. of course, the japanese idea of countryside was more akin to medium-sized city by my standard, but then i had never been to tokyo.

 

We pulled in the hospital grounds my new host family lived on. actually, they owned it. my host dad was not only a doctor, but owned a whole fucking hospital, complete with young nurses in cute little outfits. the house itself was big by american standards, and i had my own room with a wide screen tv (and this was still 1999). dad invited me out to golf. you could say i was happy.

 

over the next couple days i still had quite a bit of free time, as school didn't start for another week or so. but i started to get subtle hints something wasn't normal about this place.... the first came up when i noticed a bible on the table... a couple days later my host mom asked me if i believed in jesus. at the time, i didn't take it too seriously. i mean, i had no idea how unusual christianity was in japan, but it did raise my eyebrows.

 

About a week left before school started, and i boarded a train for kamogawa, in the bottom of chiba, for a 3 day camp with other exchange students in the rotary.

 

at the train station i met aline, from brasil. not only from brasil, she was brasillian of japanese descent. i was roundly intimidated. there were the two girls from nz, one of home i would bag later that night. the guy from mexico, and, returning from nz, akio the 19-year old japanese alcoholic. akio was funny as hell. but he was also a traitorous bastard.

 

camp itself was more novelty fun than anything else. a bunch of lectures intended to scare us to stay in line — "no drugs, no drinking, no sex, or else back to the mother land with you" kind of stuff. didn't stop me from breaking 2 of those rules that night though. the second night of camp i also bagged my first jgirl too. keiko was a 16 yearold high school student going to the states in 6 months. ah fun times.

 

i got back from camp a couple days later and crashed for the afternoon at home. around 6pm my host mom came knocking at my door, telling me i had a phone call. i figured, shit.... nz girl must be a clinger.. i picked up the phone

 

"Hello?"

"ah, ah, hi! This is nagisa!"

"Nagasa? um... oh, hi...

"how are you?"

"I'm fine. uh, were you from camp?

"camp? sorry?

"no no, i'm sorry. i forgot; did we meet?"

"Yes! at the airport! you don't remember me?"

 

And if anyone had seen my face right then, they would seen my eyes open wide like moses parting the red sea along with the dumbest smirk on the planet.

 

I never received a phone call that really got me excited the way that one did. we chatted for another 30 minutes, swapping stories about farm life and growing up in tokyo, and set a date for a couple days later. it really wasn't a date, but a "let's get together with the other exchange students" thing... though that would change soon enough.

 

With the coming of September, though, school would come first. My host mom drove me around to Sogo and few other places, acquiring all the various pieces of my high school uniform. I felt the whole process insulting... coming from granville, wearing jeans and tshirts everyday to being forced to wear what was essentially a conformist business suit designed, in my mind, to break down the students' spirits in lieu of the monotonous life of a salaryman. I hated it. it was everything I was against. even more when i checked the price tag to find out it was over $300. but, there was no way around this one.

 

The first day of class was nerve racking. even taking the train by myself. The real trippy part was figuring out the bus, until i realized everyone was wearing the same uniform as me. Suddenly the uniform made much more sense.

 

So school started up and i was natural novelty. i signed up for caligraphy, which to my pleasant surprise found me as the only male member of the class. judo proved a great release after seating in the dusty, fucking humid and downright drab classroom for 4 hours. not speaking hardly any j didn't help matters; i was raped for eikaiwa practice, and found myself falling asleep through j-lit and math (along with, i noticed, about half the class). Additionally the "school festivals" were starting up, and my class was planning a karaoke bash. My talent for Bohemian Rhapsody would prove invaluable.

 

Friday came soon enough though, and the whole day all i could think about was meeting nagisa after class. I had only seen her for a few minutes at the airport over 2 weeks ago, but she somehow just got into my head. no girl ever left an impression on me like that so fast before or after. I even brought a set of casual clothes to change into just to try to look smooth. I wonder what the salarymen in the station bathroom must've thought, seeing this white kid changing out his school uniform by the shitter.

 

I was almost 30 minutes early, and she'd end up being just as late. But i recognized her as soon as i made out the girl pedalling her bike down towards the station. she was wearing a long wrap around skirt, tide-dye styled green with a white tank top this time, but she still had the long wavy brown hair and hot legs. The contrast on her skin was fabulous. God she looked so great on that bike. We made eye contact and she smiled at me from a distance, her hair blowing over her face in the wind. I never in my life saw a girl like that before, and here she was coming to meet me...

Now the thing about meeting nagisa here was she was only one coming. Funnily, the nz girls and aline had to cancel, and oscar had no hope of getting an excuse to bum a trip out from katsuura. So no one from my side was coming for our scheduled karaoke party. She, of course, tells me how the 2 friends she was bringing had stuff come up.

 

Isn't it great how shit like this seems to work out in Japan? :thumbs-up

 

So here we are, just the 2 of us, standing at the station, wondering what to do, and we just end up walking. This also, i would realize much later, is considered the first step to a shagging. the renowned "walking date."

 

Even though the english wasn't fluent, this girl spoke better english than any japanese i'd met except akio.

 

"so where did you learn english?"

"i went to australia."

"oh, like an exchange student?"

"sort of. i didn't go to 'school' though"

"really? so what did you do; i mean you were there for what, a year right?"

 

"no, just two weeks."

"two weeks? wait wait wait.... so you spoke before that right?"

"spoke english?"

"well, yeah..."

"no, i learned english in australia.

"in two weeks..?"

"yeah... chotta taihen datta...it was hard"

 

Nagisa had a way with words like that. Even now i realize what a rarity this girl was. 17 years old, only experience abroad was one 2 week trip to oz, attended public school with non-english speaking english instructor in chiba, and she's speaking better than anyone i know in chiba. And the accent. god damn she had a hot accent.

 

we went on, chatting everything from food to sport to sex. she was telling me stories about how she had won prefectural awards in writing and dancing, but she tried to be humble about it, brushing them off like anyone could do it. She told me how she was hoping to attend university abroad, in the states, but was still figuring it out.

 

This girl was really turning into something more than just the hot girl at the airport... i could already tell there was something different here, and it was going prove quite an adventure.

Now, i gotta confess something about my life. or rather, how life enjoys fucking with me. i am tied to the karma school of everything has a catch.

 

11 years old -> make to finals in jazz band competition -> pad valve falls off at competition

 

13 years -> see 13 yearold hot girl in junior high -> hot girl is shagging 18 dickwad with a '77 firebird.

 

14 years old -> flunk junior high art class in redneck town -> get accepted into summer mit program for "future digital artists"

 

21 years old -> traumatic breakup with girl -> 3 fender bender auto insurance claims in my favor. in 2 weeks.

 

25 -> accepted into columbia -> on my way to six figure student debt

 

you get the idea. and so nagisa was not without her catch, either. turns out she had a boyfriend. and a frenchie at that. a frenchie named serge, pronounced like "surge."

 

serge fucking sucked donkey balls.

 

Now, i was never one to rob another's pooty-tang, but nagisa had invited me out here tonight. then again, we were originally planning on going to karaoke with a bunch of others who all conveniently canceled. i didn't know what the fuck to make of serge, so i just played it cool on that front.

 

before we knew it was 9pm, and it was time to head back home. i know, i know, fucking kids stuff. bedtime and all. but as i was soon to find out, it was gonna be a serious issue with the okasan...Something that really sucks about living with a host family in japan is that they treat you like a little kid. no matter how old you are. if you're not home in time for dinner you're making trouble. if you're not home till after 9 people starting worrying. and if you're not home all night, you're just beggin for a shitstorm.

 

that night with nagisa i wasn't home till 10pm. the host mom was the only one still up, and she was just sitting at the foot of the steps in the front doorway. i hadn't called her to pick me up, because i told her that evening i was going to be back late and not stay up for me. what can you expect?

 

her eyes were bloodshot. her hair was frazzled. she look like she was about to keel over. it was really quite sad actually.i was freaked.

 

"okasan, why are you still up?"

"i'm waiting for you to come home."

 

"oh okasan, sorry, i thought i mentioned i'd be home late tonight."

"yes. it and it's dangerous. oyasumi."

 

alright, a bit over protective is all i figured. i scratched it out of my head and gave nz girl a call from my room phone.

 

"hey nz girl."

nz girl (whispering) "hey, it's late to call here, what's up?

 

(thinking to myself) jesus what the fuck do people do here on friday night???

 

"i just got home from going out with nagisa."

"oh did you guys go to karaoke?"

"no, everyone bailed except us two. we walked around and stuff, it was good stuff."

"okay. hey i gotta go now, my host mom is getting upset, i'll call you later tomorrow."

 

wtf? it was like we're all living in some concentration camp.

 

next day comes around, and i sleep in. i get up and to eat breakfast. okasan gives me the salutory ohayou before start mentioning about her church. then about how often she goes to church. uh-oh. i don't like where this is headed. noon comes around and i get a call from nz girl. we chat for a while and she mentions that the exchange students in the area (all 5 of us) are planning a trip to tokyo disneyland for next week. sweet!

 

we chat a bit about nagisa too. and the story with serge is unveiled.

 

serge came last year on exchange, just like me, and left just a couple weeks before i arrived. the guy was from france and spoke 3 languages, but hanging out with the other exchange students was a total buttweed. stories included pushing down school girls on the floor in the station cause they weren't getting out of your way and just kind of acting like a selfish, anti-social prick all the time. the kind of guy that never pays the tab. somehow he did pick the j quite well though.

 

anyway, the story is serge came over, and was obsessed with nagisa, who was a friend of nz girls. he was calling her and harassing her until nagisa finally literally told him to piss off. so how the hell did he end up her boyfriend?

 

"well, she told him to bugger off around november last year, but he was a persistent little prick. he started writing her poems and shite every bloody-fucking week. then in april we all went out to karaoke, and he started chatting up nagi. i reckoned nagi bent up all sentimental about all the fooking postcards and shite. couple weeks later they're shagging in the park. but i still think the kid's a blood prick."

 

That was all I needed. I was cleared authorized to make moves on nagisa. i mean, little shithead pushes down little school girls with out an excuse me? fucker deserves it. hell, i convinced myself, nagisa deserves it. i got off the phone after about 20 minutes and my host mom starts talking to me about cell phones.

 

"spaz, you talk on phone lot of time. today, we get keitai"

"keitai?"

 

"mobile phone."

"really?" (damn, maybe i can tolerate the religous shit if i can get a cell phone)

 

"yes. if you want to make phone call, you had better should your own phone."

 

"wow, thanks okasan"

 

so we go get a cell phone, and that even nz girl calls me again and let's me that we're all going to karaoke tomorrow, nagisa included. double sweet.

 

sunday comes and i meet up with oscar and the girls around noon and we head in for karaoke. Nagisa was there too, as intoxicating as ever. she wasted no time setting up the machine putting on some mariah carey. she starts up, and the room resonates with the most incredible fucking voice i had ever heard. it was so great, at the time, i hadn't even realized it was her. i seriously thought mariah's voice-over was what i was hearing. of course i was to learn better in just few minutes.

 

now, karaoke was completely foreign to me — i had, after all, seen it on late night HBO hongkong movies. but, how can i say this.... in granville, people don't "sing." in fact, they'd probably play golf before singing. the closest thing we would have were national anthem beelching contests. so when it came up my turn to sing, i essentially said "uh..." into the microphone, heard myself through the pa, realized there was no voiceover backup, and experienced what is best described as "shrinkage."

 

i decided to woo nagisa with my charm over song. but i wouldn't be alone. everyone in the whole fucking room knew what was going on. at one one point nagisa put sang "all i want for christmas," and aline just gave this "oh yeah boy" smirk on her face.

 

the best part though, was nagisa coming to sit down next to me. sometimes it was random. but every other time it was me. again, the girl gave me the weird signals. sometimes seating next to oscar or on the two jguy friends she brought along. one moment i'd feel i was in control of this game, the next like i was fucking deluding myself. but damn did she look great standing on that table like a diva. after karaoke wrapped up we head to see the biggest movie event of the closing millenia: matrix.

 

on the way over the matrix nagisa and i walked stepped 'n lock to the cineplex, separate from the group, chatting more just like on our walking date.

 

"so you're with serge?"

"yeah," (with a tint of weary sigh in her tone)"i'm planning on visiting him in france next april."

"really?"

"i don't know. i mean, his dad invited me, so i think i should go..."

 

Un-fucking-believeable. The kid's DAD invited her to come visit them? how fucking pathetic can you get?

 

"so are you still thinking about school in the states?"

"yeah, i really want to go... but I have to take SAT, and it's all english... and my english isn't good"

"you know, i can help you with that..."

"really?"

"sure. i mean, trust me, the math is like grade school for japanese, and the english is mostly just vocab. rote memorization."

"hmm... muzukashou yo... i don't know..but maybe"

 

we get to the cineplex, i experience what it's like pop $15 for a "student" movie pass, and settle in. again, nagisa and i sit together one row behind everyone else. i'm starting to figure i'm getting a handle on this game, and play it completely as though we're just here for the movie. i figured it worked, cause a few days later i get a phone call from nagisa after heading home.

 

"Are you busy tomorrow?"

"Well, i was kind of planning on doing caligraphy after school..." (HA!)

"oh..."

"why what's up?"

"Well, it's just that we're having school festival this week, and I'm making a poster in english and thought maybe you check it for me if you're not busy..."

"Well, i might have to work something out with the calig girls, but i should be able to make it after school."

 

"really?"

"sure, i'll see you tomorrow!"

 

i get off the phone and okasaan is there, reminding to have my friends call my new keitai if they want to call me.

 

I wasn't overly enthralled with the keitai. it was just an old rubber button nokia for 1 yen, and didn't even catch a signal in the hospital. on top of that, my host mom told me i could only use it for 40 minutes a month. now, today of course, i would understand the consequences of going over 40min, but seeing how granville didn't even have a single cell tower, my experience with cell phones was quite... limited.

 

on top of that my host mom buggers me about coming with her to church that sunday.... son of a motherfucker....

 

then she starts talking about how i'm not paying much attention in class... wtf? is she fucking stalking me? no, i would find out much later, i was surrounded by informants. seriously. every fucking moment of class, teachers were studying me, reporting me to my host mom, who.... well, we'll get to that in a bit. she also jostles me about wearing my uniform "properly" (i let my tie sag and hadn't been buttoning my shirt all the way up in the fucking sauna that was class) and about being home on time.... which was now 6pm.

Back to top

Profile PM Report this post to a moderator Warn

spaz man

"a Dude in good standing"

 

 

 

Location: Modern Rome

Joined: June 2003

Posts: 1021

Fucking fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck

 

Here i was, just got off scheduling a evening at nagisa's, and the host mom is telling me i gotta be home by 6pm? six-fucking-pm?! titty-fucking christ! it was becoming more and more obvious that my host mom was going to be the biggest obstacle to overcome my stay here. unlike the orientation mom, who'd help me with learning hiragana and j, this one raped me for eikaiwa practice, lectured psalms out the bible, and treated me like a fucking 6-year old. no wonder her 12yearold son is a little anti-social brat that spends all his time playing video games in his room. and where is my fucking host day? haven't seen him since i got here, and he works in the building fucking next door.

 

Fuck it. Tomorrow i was heading over to nagisa's house. i wasn't going to let this shit fuck that up. i - patiently - explained to okasan that i'm sorry i haven't been a good little christian altar boy, and promise i will be home by 6 and in bed by 8 after you wash me, but i already made plans for tomorrow. she tells me ok. i'm good to go (or so i thought)

 

School was fucking hell as ever, only in week 2. the only japanese the students spoke to me was atsui, and only the girls would invite me to their lunch table (good for sympathy, bad for social status on the japanese floor). i did get some entertainment that day as the geography professor went fucking apeshit on a student cause his keitai went off in class. seriously. dude was yelling so loud i thought he'd have a fucking aneurysm. knocked the poor kid's desk over before finally kicking him out of the classroom. i wondered if my experience in japan was typical...

 

i get out of school and fucking run to the train station. i hadn't realized it, but nagisa was becoming more than just the girl i was aiming for — she was becoming my tranquil oasis, my release away from all the fucking shit going down between school and my host mom. some guys just smoke a joint or have a beer after a bad day. some guys are alcholics. and me, well, i was to end up leaning on nagisa. I met up with nagisa at the train station. she was wearing that green sarong again. damn, that thing just did the trick for me. we walked to her place from the station. it was so fucking relaxing. i was starting to feel like i have to watch everything i said at school and home cause everyone was keep tabs on me.... dangerous foreign kid mentally maybe, i don't know. but with nagisa i was back in the zone. we made to her place, and i introduced myself to her mom before heading upstairs to her room.

 

I remember being surprised how small her house was. my orientation and host families were (unbeknownest to me) fucking loaded, and had houses typical of ranch homes in, say, granville, and nagisa's was the first time time i realized how small most places are. she didn't even have a bed - or space for it. she had a futon she stashed in the closet during the day. but she did, somehow, mange to fit a love seat infront of the computer. we took a sit and set to work on her project...

 

turns out she was working on a dilbert banner for her festival.

 

"holy shit you know dilbert?"

"Yeah, isn't he so funny?!"

 

I was falling in love with this girl. here was a girl, in 1999, who loved dilbert, used adobe, and was a fucking diva. it was like god gave me my fucking dream girl.

 

we worked for a bit. turns out she a bit of an artist too — she actually drew the dilbert comic with her mouse... something that fooled me. after a little while when we finished we just kind of sat back and relaxed in the love seat.

 

nagisa let out a little bit of a sigh, shifted her body, and leaned on me.

 

 

Location: Modern Rome

Joined: June 2003

Posts: 1021

let me see....

 

Don't Drink.

Don't Date.

Don't Do Drugs

Don't Drive.

 

What was #5? oh well. that gives me at least 3, if you count mopeds.

 

Rotary was anal. and my psycho host mom and rotary would soon cut my adventure to japan very short very quickly.

 

But now, this girl i hadn't been able to get out my head since i met her at the airport, this that was most beautiful i had ever spoken with, was leaning at my side.

 

I'm pretty physical guy. I am always hugging and shit, and a girl next to me is not usually some intense moment. but this moment, this was intense. this was more intense than the first time i unbuttoned a girl's jeans. maybe it was her singing, her outfits, her personality, whatever it was, i felt this was a very delicate situation. but i was aware enough to note that she wanted me, that she made the first move, and that the ball was in my court.

 

ah, who the hell am i kidding. i felt like a fucking virgin.

 

we sat there, like that, for only a few moments but it felt like a fucking eternity. our hands cautiously creeping towards one another. both of us know what's going on, but neither sure how far it's going to go.

 

"Nagisa!" a most fucking interruptive voice from downstairs.

 

"gohan!"

 

we both gave a slight chuckle, and looked at each other. it was obvious we had something to talk about. Dinner with nagisa and her mom was a cute little affair. she had picked up some pizza hut, "american" food. hey, after my host mom's boiled egg "pizza," this was great stuff.

 

After dinner we went straight back up to nagisa's room. we did a little more hand holding on the love seat, talked a bit about love, confessed we had the hots for each since the airport. we were fucking pussies. and i wanted this girl.

 

so i did what any 18 yearold horny guy with his dream girl would say. I say the fucking utmost cheesiest line in the history of my life:

 

"nagisa, i can't say i know what love is. i don't know if anyone can really say what it is. but nagisa, i love you."

 

ah yes, you can see i was already well on my way to major league pimping. :pork

 

Nagisa gave the puppy dog love only a beautiful, 17 year old japanese girl in love can give you. She held it for a moment, looked into my eyes, and moved in to kiss me. i had never been so fucking excited in my life. well, maybe except for that time riding my dirt bike off the corey edge... but as far as girls went, this a new level. i mean, this girl was even in the same sport as the girls back home... i could honestly say she was the most fucking beautiful, sexiest girl i had been with to that point in my life. and now she was ontop of me, giving me the fucking sweetest kissing i had ever had.

 

laying down, my back on the floor, kissing her, yet initmately aware of detail of her body. the way the green sarong she was wearing slit opened up her thigh, revealing her smooth, light skin. just how perfectly round her bra-less C cups were under her shirt. the way her wavy dark brown hair fell over the side of my face.

 

i was thoroughly intoxicated, and it was enough, for that night. we stopped short of going all the way,, as though there was a mutual understanding between us that dragging it out was going to make it better. and besides... it was already after 9.

 

 

"HOLY SHIT! my host mom! she's going to be fucking pissed"

 

I ran back to the station and caught the train.... going the wrong fucking direction. By time i made it home it was half past 10. and okasan, as can only be expected, was there waiting for me. Over the next couple weeks the situation with the okasan began to deteriorate rapidly. she started haranguing me about going to church with her.... that week i decided it's probably worth going just to appease her and calm things down. there i had a lecture with the pasture, a southern evangelical with 4 kids in japan, living in a 2 story house with central heat and ac and dish washer,,,, about "adapting" to japan. i figured it ironic, considering my host mom wouldn't even try to work with me in japanese and was trying to get me to know jesus. she was even talking about me to fucking preacher. this bitch was starting to grate me.

 

school wasn't much better. they scrubed the schedule the other exchange student and i had, putting us in "special japanese class" half the day, which basically meant sitting us in front of a tv playing those "let's japanese" late night tv shows. the other half of the day i'd sleep at my desk, along with half the class (80% if it was math class). i heard that my sleeping, in particular, during math was an issue. first from my english teacher, then from my host mom.

 

Everyday after class i'd be at nagisa's as i could be and still make it home.... ugh.... 6pm. if it was a real shit day i'd call her too. she had become my release, my moment of zen, in the words of jon stewart. and like a startled horse, she knew it.

 

in mere weeks the magic had faded, the allure gone. i started to rely on nagisa like a crack addict, a booty call, she feeling me just a bummed out gaijin kid not having any fun in japan. and we both knew it. When you're trying to contain a stream damn during a storm, there sometimes comes a point when you realize the fucker's gonna give. sometimes it comes with surge, sometimes the rocks start falling out faster than you can stack them (don't ask me why i relate to this). and you get to a point where you're just stacking more rocks in vain, even when you know it's in vain, just so you can at least say you tried. well, my damn around my exchange was starting to slip faster than i could keep it together.

 

an evening about one week before it all came to a head my host called me in to the dining. i was expecting another lecture on jesus or curfew. it was something entirely unexpected.

 

she handed me a perforated trifold piece of paper, i may have been able to read it, somethings transcend languages. like the way a cell phone bill feels. 18,300 some odd yen. you had to be fucking kidding.

 

the funny thing was, i was so fucking tired of host mom's shit at the point, i didn't even care. sure, she didn't give me any fucking clue that once i ran over my 40 minutes i was being rung up at over 100 yen/ minute. sure, she never even mentioned to me that I(!) was paying for the damn thing.

 

But the surprises didn't end there. She handed me ANOTHER trifold, this one for 9800 yen. WTF could this be for? ah, yes. internet. Of course, silly me for expecting the unlimited $20 plan paid by my parents back home carried over here.i woke up the next morning and could hardly drag myself out of bed. on the one side were the bills okasan handed me the night before. on the other was nagisa, who as great as it had been, was still bouncing emails with that frenchie fuckwit.

 

But, there was something special going on today: school festival. school fesetival was great compared to the monotony of everyday class, but that's purely relatively speaking. i mean, my class could barely manage a karaoke rental.

 

about half way through the day i phoned up akio.

 

"hey dude, you in chiba?"

"no way. fucking kamogawa. what's up man?

"i don't know. feeling like blowing off some steam.

"be there in an hour man.

 

a man in need of booze was akio's best friend indeed. he showed up, almost 10 minutes early. he must've be flooring it in his tiny little shitty penis car. it was an old beat up miata.

 

school still was scheduled for another couple hours, but ah fuck it. half the class is hanging around outside the gates and the baseball club already bailed,...

 

we decide to head over to nagisa's school festival. she hinted that she wanted us to come by and catch a performance she was doing anyway. on the train ride over akio rips out this chrome thermos.

 

"try this man.."

"what is it?"

"good stuff, strong man"

"whatever

 

i threw the thermos back and the most fucking foul, putrid, burning substance i ever almost had me gagging at the first sip. it was as though satan himself were pissing down my throat. not pleasant.

 

"what the... ugh.... damn, what the fuck man"

"hhehe, yeah it's nasty dude.

"jesus christ man wtf is that?

"my special blend. i mixed some vodka and whiskey and... well some other stuff. you dude i really don't know. but it's fucking nasty.

"yeah no shit

 

after rinsing my mouth out we made it to nagisa's school performance. great timing. it was in the auditorium/cafetaria, and the whole school was watching. it was her and three other girls on stage, giving a performance of (this is fucking great) janet jackson's rythm nation. they were all dressed out in trashy hip-hop janet style. i'm normally not a fan of janet, but fuck watching nagisa move her ass like that on stage was hella hot. you could tell every guy in the room wanted this girl.

 

i met nagisa backstage. she changed into her school uniform skirt with this cute little sky blue school festival t-shirt. she was stoked and fucking genki to see me, and it was obvious i wasn't the only that got a little itch during the performance. she started dragging me around outside to the back of the building, grabbing at me and kissing me.

 

"hey hey, shouldn't we calm this down a little bit... i mean, your teachers are just around the side of the building..."

 

she just snickered and gave this sinister little smirk on her face. she pushed me against the brick exterior wall and started to unzip my pants. i looked around and couldn't see anyone, but i could hear some shouting and laughing around the building. fuck it, this school girl in her little uniform skirt was too much. i grabbed her and put her against the wall, kissing her and putting my hands up her skirt and pulling down her panties. we went at it doggy style standing up at her school in broad daylight. it was the most exciting sex i ever had up to that point in my life.

 

we decided to celebrate. we found akio, called up aline, and the four of us headed to a pool hall and throw down some tequilas. i teach nagisa how to hold a pool stick. it was great.

 

but i had to get this serge shit cleared up. i told her, you gotta make a choice. me or the frenchie. i'm not playing this game. she gave some "sex and the city" inspired bullshit about how he'll never mean anything like me, but she had already promised to go france. screw it. i told if that's how it's gonna be, then it ain't gonna be me. it was already coming up to 6pm so i said to the crew i gotta get going before host mom gets pissed off any more and headed back home.

I knew the ultimatum was a crapshot, but i wasn't going to let myself be led around while she's still writing emails to frenchie. that evening i got home and okasan was as hospitable as ever. the family dinner was just me and her. i hadn't seen the daughter or kid 'cept for when they run up the stairs to their rooms, and dad hadn't been in for the past week. i was becoming more and more conivinced this lady was some sort of psycho trying to force me to conform to christian-idealized concept of "family" that was missing in her house.

 

That evening i gave nz girl a call. we chatted a bit about nagisa, but what i really wanted to get to was that disney trip she mentioned a couple weeks ago.

 

"what? you don't know?" she was quite surprised.

 

"know what?"

 

"the trip was canceled over a week ago."

 

"wth? no one told me.."

 

"what? spaz man, your host mom was the one that got it canned!"

 

 

:ohdear

 

W-T-F??? a bit of dialogue later the truth was revealed. host mom was "concerned," called up the rotary and freaked them out, so she not gets the trip canned for me, but everyone else in rotary. un-fucking-real.

 

host mom then calls me off the phone to go to friday evening mass tonight! woo-hoo! and afterwards, more lecturing about "adapting" from the evangelical pasture that picks up groceries from the yokousuka commissary. on top of it, he starts hinting out of left field somethings about "women" and "distractions." whatever. i had gotten so used to having no privacy at this point i didn't even give it a second thought.

 

that day lends a solid example of the daily highs and lows i was dealing with. from making out behind the school and the pool halls to being lectured in psalm. i was literally leading a double life.

 

the next morning was saturday and i didn't even make past lunch before i called up aline. i needed to get the fuck out of that house. i met aline at this little soba shop a few blocks behind chiba station. it was little place of ours we'd hung out together at and talk whenever shit was wearing thin. aline, having the appearance of a "naive jgirl" but being fully brasillian, was probably having it harder than me. her host mom was driving her insane with the same curfew nonsense as mine, and we had to time our phone calls so that her mom would never answer the phone if i called — because i was a boy, and only bad girls talk to boys.

 

we chatted about yesterday and nagisa.

 

"spaz man," she would say my name in the sweetest accent i ever heard.

 

"you did the right thing. you know, she is a confused girl. she needs to be alone now."

 

i sighed, stirred my drink, and nodded towards aline.

 

"i know aline... it's just, i don't know. she seemed perfect in so many ways, yet... it's like life is fucking with me. giving me the girl i'd always dream of and then tagging her with a catch-44 i'd never imagined."

 

"spaz man, it'll be fine. it's not even october. you have lots of time to play with lots girls!"

 

drinking with aline was like drinking with one of those girls nick-named "mike" or "chris." always there to listen, no matter what the fuck you had on your mind. the kind of girl you'd take shots with or find working at cayote ugly in the lower east side. she works as a contractor now for some huge construction company in brasil.

 

just then my keitai rang. it was nagisa.

 

 

Location: Modern Rome

Joined: June 2003

Posts: 1021

there's a new show coming out on tv called 6 degrees, as in 6 degrees of separation. the premise is tied to the idea that anyone in the world can be connected to anyone else through a chain just 6 people long.

 

that really has nothing to do with my little story, but i like it anyway. it plays on the uncertainty we all have in life.... like how one, seemingly irrelevent decision at one point can shape the next 5 years of your life.

 

Answering that phone call would seal my path.

 

I looked at it, reluctant and anxious at the same time. "nagisa calling!" blared the black and white lcd on my nokia, shaking harder than an expresso laden crack addict.

 

I looked to aline for an answer. she just smiled and gestured her arm forward in a manner best summed up as "well...?"

 

sigh... i looked back down. the phone, pleading, begging me to answer it as though i were a 911 operator. "nagisa calling!" I mean, she's calling!, with an exclamation mark!

 

I pushed the green button and brought the handset to my face.

 

"hey."

 

"spaz man?"

 

"yeah. what's up?"

 

"i.... i want to talk."

 

"yeah? well talk."

 

"not on the phone. in person. can we meet?"

 

I at once knew both what my answer would be and how i was just asking for a world of hurt with it.

 

"sigh.... when?"

 

"i'm at inage now. can you come?"

 

I looked at aline. she smiled, shuttered her eyes and shook her head. she knew what i was getting into. i knew it too, even if i was telling myself otherwise.

 

"spaz man," she said my name with her portuguese accent.

 

"go talk to her!"

 

aline saw me off from our restaurant and i hopped a train to inage. only a couple stops off chiba.

 

i saw nagisa in the station and we headed over to one of those little department store restaurants nearby the station for a drink.

 

frenchie? he's gone. no more emails, letters, phone calls. out of memory.

 

and the trip to france? oh, you want to come to the states now?

 

and that was it. just like that. everything that was holding me back from loving this girl was now suddenly resolved... on nothing more than her word.

 

hey, when you're 18, you can believe anything the girl you love tells ya.

 

after a walk and quick romp in the station parking structure (think i could afford love hotels back then?) it was already way past curfew. after 9 in fact.

 

i was not looking forward to going home. "no, okasan, i did not stop at the atm. i am very sorry i am late and missed your boiled-egg pizza for dinner. oh, was tonight church? hontou ni gomen nasai." it could just bring down any day.

 

tonight, though... well tonight was even worse. she sat me down at the kitchen table to talk to me.

 

"spaz man. you are very clever."

 

"oh... uh, thank you. why?"

 

"you trick us. deceive us."

 

"i'm, i'm sorry... what are you talking about?"

 

"you don't go to school."

 

Argh! the school festival! I left early with akio! you have got to fucking kidding me though... i mean, fuck half the damn class was already gone. the whole day was a fucking freebie to begin with.

 

after a bit more lecturing on some other bull crap she let me resign to the bedroom. but not before telling me i had a "special meeting" with the rotary big chiefs themselves tomorrow to discuss my... behavior.

 

as i threw my clothes on the floor i began to mull over the all the shit i'd been going through with the host mom, what i'd have to deal with rotary tomorrow.... i felt like everything was going to shit, school, host mom, rotary. the language didn't make the list. the whole program seemed shot, and it was barely 2 months. i had no privacy, no fucking life. i felt like i just wanted to go home. i was tired.

 

The next day was a monday, and back into the school uniform routine. i was curious if i'd be able to get a hint as to who had ratted me out... the english teacher? the class leader? who would even care?

 

up until noon, however, the day was as dull and uneventful as ever. the energy of the festival had evaporated with less trace than osama bin laden. at lunch time i was called to the principal's office to be picked up by a rotarian's wife. her job was escort me to the rotary meeting. she was really a bit a of hottie, considering she was damn near 40. but the super genkiness, having no clue why she was escorting me and having all the curiousness of a jgirl's first meeting with brad pitt definitely contributed to her milf-ness.

 

Anyway, we arrive - by train - at some westin-esque 5-star hotel in chiba port. doormen, bellhops, conference rooms and an atrium lobby. the works, kind of place where doctors and transnational entreprenuers might stay. but why in chiba, fuck if i knew.

 

in the lobby i meet the program coordinator. i'm sweating my balls off with the uniform and heat, yet he looks cool as a cat in his 3-layer suit. he was a stout happy go lucky fellow that always smiled. i figured he's gotta be a resonable man; we'll get this sorted out and i'll be on my way. he takes me upstairs to the penthouse restaurant, where i find we have our own private room reserved. he sits me down at the roundtable alone and asks if i'll have a drink. i look at the menu and say i'll have a rootbeer float – hey, never know when i'll have another chance. he tells me to wait a moment. five, ten minutes later he returns with an entourage of old business men, typical salarymen types decked out in full tie and jacket, carrying briefcases and files with them. they all move about the room and take their seats in a coordinated military fashion, hardly even glancing at me. it's as though they rehearsed. the coordinator takes the final seat, directly across from me.

 

the interrogation begins.

 

i had no idea what was with the fucking show and spectacle. standard formality? intimidation? i just knew i had no idea what to expect next.

 

"spaz man," the coordinator opens in broken english and motions to the younger gentleman sitting next to him.

 

"becasu misuta cooridanator isu natto goodu at engrishu, i will toransulate."

 

this is gonna be a long meeting.

 

the questions and "concerns" hit the ground running with everything i could've expected: the keitai, being home "late," skipping school early, sleeping in class...

 

i bit my lip and took it all in stride. they reminded how difficult i was for host mom, how she was very, very worried about me. they used the word "worry" at least a dozen times.

 

the questions then began to move then to personal, strange, and downright bizarre. a few of the salarymen lit a few cigarettes. i stirred my rootbeer float.

 

it began with girl questions, which i could understand... it was against the rules, after all, but hey.... i rationalized it as a cultural misunderstanding — just cause i have girl who is friend doesn't necessarily imply , well, fuck it. i lied through my teeth on that one.

 

then they started asking questions about my family... "are your parents divorced?" well, actually, they just filed 2 weeks ago... but how fuck could you know that?

 

the best was saved for last:

 

"do you wear underwear?"

 

ah... :blush

 

it's funny in retrospect, but it was fucking sick example of the perverse obsession my host mom had taken with my privacy.

 

it was topped off with a few wonted dictums on the mission of rotary, my duty as an exchange student, and heavy encouragement that I take care of this fucking mess so that okasan stops calling them every god-damn day about how she can't "control" me. with that, the half dozen gentlemen who spoke not a word but blew cigarette smoke in my face got up and left, and i was escorted to the lobby in the back of the entourage. after over an hour in the room, I was given a slap on the wrist, a pat on the back, and solid ganbatte at the door. curiously, no mention of okasan's religious inclination was broached.

 

In fewer than 72 hours, the coordinator would be driving me to narita.

 

 

 

Location: Modern Rome

Joined: June 2003

Posts: 1021

I paraded out of the winston taking relief in the fact that i received nothing more than a series of awkward and uncomfortable questions thrown my way. whatever. i gave nagisa a call on my keitai on the walk home, but she said she's tied up with family.

 

Fuck. it was only 3pm. i didn't want to go home now and deal with the host mom. it's too damn early for that shit. on the other hand, it probably would be tactful to appease her a bit the day of my big rotary meeting. I looked at my keitai and scrolled through the names. too late for akio to come up. nz girls.... good to get drunk, but that's about it. aline.....

 

I put the keitai back in my pocket and took the train home.

 

Okasan was truthfully surprised to see me home before 4. she wasn't the only one. not that it made much difference. it was strange with her; when not recruiting me for her religion or lecturing me on curfews she was a very quiet person. the snotty kid was home, already on his video games. the daughter... knitting for all i knew.

 

i went into my room and cleaned some shit up. i broke out warcraft 2, but the lack of internet just didn't do it justice. diner came and was just as tedious as ever. somehow the hours past, and it was already after 9pm. i took out the keitai... that damned keitai that already cost me $300 and i took that fateful call from nagisa on. now, it was going to be my turn to make the fateful call....

I scrolled down the address book to nagisa. later in life i would impose a rule on myself to never call a girl out of boredom, but i was far too young in my years back then.

 

for the most part, it was nothing revealing.

 

hey

what's up

nothing. dealing with host mom and rotary.

oh? how is it?

i don't know. apparently i should start wearing boxers more.

i'm sorry?

nevermind.

oh....

hey, what are you wearing?

what am i wearing?

yeah, you know, tell me how you look

hehe.... well, i'm wearing my black pants

those ones i made you cum in outside inage station?

....

well, what else?

just my sweatshirt.

JUST your black sweatshirt.

 

all right, you get where this is headed. if only i knew....

it was painfully unimaginative, longer than it should've been, and at moments awkward. but it got it's job done. hey, it was phone sex, what can you really ask for. it was my first time, but as i would learn, it never really gets much better.

 

the next morning, i strangely felt refreshed. i wasn't sure if it was the phone sex, getting over the hump with rotary, or just some uncomprehensible new excitment for living. i was up early, took a cool shower and eagerly sat myself down at the kitchen table for breakfast (i had previously tried to explain to okasan that i'd rather make my own meals - and laundry -, but her being a shufu, that didn't go far).

 

Okasan was seemed to be acting more strangely than usual. pacing timidly around the kitchen. at points her hands appeared to even be shaking...

 

ohayou okasan!, i gave the customary greeting.

......

 

no response. okasan instead left her eggs and milk out and retreated into her bedroom. even by okasan standards, this was weird.

 

after 5, 10 minutes, i said fuck it, got up and made my own breakfast. okasan hold up in her room... what the hell is that about?

 

i headed back into my room. figure i'd played video games or some shit for a while. before it was even 9am the door bell rang. i could hear okasan nearing run to the door.

 

it was rotary. why, i had not a fucking clue.

h, tequila.... my friend since high school who never betrayed me....

 

Rotary was my program coordinator, his kind-of-speaking-english college daughter, and another oyaji, maybe from the day prior, i couldn't tell.

 

okasan seemed relieved to see them.... relieved in the way a hostage reacts when they've been released. rotary girl politely asked me to stay in my room.

 

what occured next was me trying to hear as much as i could through my door (my head pressed against it) of okasan sobbing and blathering to rotary for 30 minutes. my pitiful japanese wasn't good enough for making out any of it, but i got the feeling i was fucked.

 

The okasan retreated back into her room, and my presence was requested.

 

the college girl did all the talking.

 

"how could you do that?"

you have got to be shitting me.

"she was so scared, she had no idea what was going on,"

 

as impossible as it had seemed, i kind of felt coming all morning (pardon the unintentional pun):

 

what "it" was, was okasan freaking out because SHE had taken a keen interest in my nocturnal confabulation the night prior. okasan, in her overzealous "concern," for my well-being had pressed her fucking ear against my door all night as i asked my ex to press her panties on her pussy.

 

Okasan, how to say,,,, malfunctioned.

 

I wasn't sure whether i should fight back and belabor the fact that okasan had spent the past month and a half trying to recruit me to me her church while paying a disturbing amount of attention to my laundry detail, or simply surrender to the fact that i was exhausted of all the shit between her, school, and rotary.

 

I played apologetic numbskull.

 

It really wouldn't matter, however. Okasan had me nailed with the keitai bill from last week, which also now included an additional $150 cancelation fee.

 

i just realized "nailed" likely has judeo-christian conotations.....

 

anyway,

 

"she wants you gone from this house," kind of speaking english college jgirl said.

 

gone, the brief dialogue to follow, meant i had less than an hour to pack all my shit and get in rotary's car.

 

my return flight had been scheduled for the next day, at 2pm.

 

I, my friends (including Jose Cuervo), was been deported from Japan for phone sex.

In any other time and place, I would've never let shit slide like that. But the fact was, at that particular moment, I was just so fucking tired of dealing with the host mom every god damn day, the whole "high school experience in japan," and having almost nothing going on socially besides nagisa and, on a blue moon, an outing with the other exchange students that i was actually, in a strange way, happy to hear the news.

 

the return was a whirlwind experience. in fewer than 72 hours i would be back in the states. the reverse culture shock, particularly the obscene number of fatties, immediately had me longing to return. and not just the girls. everything felt off... everyone was fat too. fashion sense was non-existent. everywhere macdonald's and kfcs. the grocery store was pitiful in the fresh foods department.

 

the only thing good about being back was freedom. which was a very good thing. my mom moved to the booming metropolis of albany while i was away, but even it felt small now compared to chiba. i spent a lot of time in my mom's basement hooked up to the computer. she had cable internet, which was completely new back then.

 

the move threw off any social life i had prior to japan, and university wasn't to start for me for another 9months.

 

and nagisa. what the fuck had i done. i called her on the phone. she was just bawling from the onset. after calming her down a bit we decided to have another run at the same activity that got me kicked out of the country.

 

i needed to get back to japan. i needed money. i needed a job.

 

so i got two. working as a phone rep for bell atlantic and another doing page layout for a digital publishing company. for the next 5 months i was working over 60 hours a week. i cleaned up my mom's new basement and fixed up my dad's old bench. it was a bit weird, dad gone now but his bench was still here. i set up a shitty sound system and got myself an md player and a new pair of nike pegasus. i realized that while i was mocking the lack of style in the locals' threads i wasn't much better, so got myself a new wardrobe. i gave nagisa a call once or twice a week. she almost never called me.

 

then in december, she handed it to me over long distance. she was tired of this. understandable. but then she dropped the bomb:

 

"i made out with akio."

 

okay, how am i supposed to fucking take this? i blew up.

 

"what the fuck?! i'm back here, living in a fucking basement, working 60 hours a week to buy a trip back to japan, and all you can give me is you're bored and making out with other guys?!"

 

"spaz man,"

 

"no, do not fucking spaz man me. you know, just fucking forget it. bitch."

 

i slammed down the phone, realizing the fucking sweet irony of it all. i felt like shit. i hated this girl and loved her at the same time. part of me still wanted to call her back right then and there and apologize. i think that was part of the allure; the instability with her. these kinds of girls, they're like fucking celebrities in their knick of the universe. my hook for unattainable, beautiful singing girls was no doubt part of the problem.

 

i called up aline and told her the news.

 

"spaz man, oh my god! are you ok?"

"i don't know. i can't handle this. i mean, she's like a bad habit for me."

"well spaz man, you know, she is an emotional girl. she can't control her feelings."

"what's that mean? i can't control 'feelings' either"

"spaz man (she always used my name), why was she with you when serge left? why was she with akio when you left?"

"......, well, i have some other news. i'll be arriving in japan in april. i bought the ticket today."

 

it was a sobering conversation, but i couldn't accept it. i was going back to japan, and i was going to win this girl back.

we had new year's eve. it was rather uneventful; i spent in my mom's living room watching it on tv. the only reason i was even home and not at work was due to the shop closing over the holiday. i took it with full flare, nonetheless. as the ball drop on times square over the tv i resolved that on my return from my next trip to japan, i would not return alone.

 

i would fulfill my vow.

 

spending 90% of my life (discounting sleep) at work made the the time fly by. at least that's how i remember it. work wasn't the most exciting thing in my life, and i admit i was distracted....

 

 

over the course of my time working at bell atlantic i became attracted to...

 

 

melissa. melissa was a good republican from texas. but she definitely wasn't the kind of girl you'd expect from the place. she had a firm body, nice, long straight brown hair and a firm ass. we went out few times in february and march. i told her my little story from japan, and she was definitely intrigued... but she also could tell i was still dedicated to going back to the place for nagisa, and nothing she could do would change that.

 

then came the unexpected phone call. rather, i had made the call, but that didn't spoil the surprise. i was calling aline. over the course of the past few months aline and i, through phone and email, had come to develope a very important friendship. i was in america, but felt isolated without nagisa. she, similarly, was isolated from home. i could understand what she was going through, considering her host home scolded her for merely meeting with me - a boy - on several occasion. so our late night conversations became an oasis of sorts; for her to openly talk for as though she was not in japan, and for me to reflect on for that time when i may return to the country.

 

this time, however, aline was not alone when i called her. she was someone else. she was with... nagisa.

 

aline put me on hold to explain to nagisa it was i calling, and that i was only calling to see how she was doing.

 

"spaz man.... spaz, nagisa is here..."

 

"nagisa's at your place?!"

 

"yeah, we were just talking about hanabi. spaz man, maybe you should...."

 

"aline," i cut her off "she's there?"

 

"yes...."

 

i had a choice. do i ask for nagisa, or do i call aline again later....

alright, i give. that's too short a post for a thread.

 

"aline, ..... can i talk with nagisa?"

 

"hold on,"

 

....

....

....

 

"spaz?"

 

"nagisa??"

 

"hi..."

 

"hi,.... how are you?"

 

"good. thanks. it's been cold lately."

 

"heh, tell me about about. you're doing good?"

 

"yes.... i am on school vacation. aline is helping me cook *something i forgot*.

 

"yeah, i heard. it's nice to hear you're doing good then.

 

"how are you?"

 

"I'm fine. you know, i have a lot going on. i'm going to syracuse next fall, and well, i've got a lot going."

 

"wow.... spaz man, are you.... coming to...

 

"hey... hey, nagisa...

 

"spaz, .... i'm. sorry... nothing ever happened, i was... i was jjust. ... you know, it was hard......"

 

"really? me too?"

 

i played it off and we talked about bullcrap.

 

"nagisa, i'm coming to japan in april."

 

"really? wow...."

 

"yeah... i'm still working our the deails but.. i'm arriving in april."

 

"really?! i think i might be able to meet then!"

 

turns out nagisa didn't have much going on, between high school graduation and college admissions, so she said she'd meet me. i was happy... but at the same time, i wasn't so sure what myself what was going on.

 

all i knew was i couldn't fucking wait for april....

Why the hell is this thread pinned???

 

I have no life. between this thread and 2 weeks of absolutely nothing to do i have de-evolved into an alcholic, fucking around, waking up in places i shouldn't be.... and having a chillin' time doing it.

 

i feel like i'm back in japan.

 

it'll all end soon enough though...

 

until my depart date in april i just pushed through the hours at work and the gym. the whole while replaying my time with nagisa in my head. i think it started to fuck with me; i actually started wanting her more as april drew near, but had no idea how things would eventually play out. i was wracked with anticipation, but it damn it meant i was giving myself something to look forward to.

 

as the day neared and i began to let my bosses know i was taking an extended vacation, a euphoria of sorts began to build within me like an arriving storm surge. i think it was the same that feeling that every man goes through as the anticipation builds up in his first trip to japan. sure, it wasn't my first trip technically, but it was the first trip i was pulling off completely on my own. the allure of japan with no host mom, no curfew and high school, and the challenge, actually, of winning back nagisa was beguiling, to say the least.

 

my flight was early; 8am. but i had to get my ass down to jfk to catch it.... meaning i had to be out the door by 4am at the absolute latest. i had my friend drive me down.

 

we made it down to jfk by about 630; good time. my friend and i hung out in a food court by my gate (pre-9.11) and watched the concords take-off for london. the atmosphere was subtle, but significant, as we ate our macdonald's egg mcmuffins. he knew what potential this trip had for me, and my friend entertained my romanced rambling.

 

finally last call was made for my flight. with a pat on the back and a kick in the ass, i handed my ticket to the attendant and got my smirking face onto that airplane.

one of the things i love about being in america is tositos and salsa. and cheap tequila. god nothing makes an evening like nachos and tequila on the roof.

 

i don't think i ever had nachos in japan, 'cept for the occasional mexican restaurant...

 

the flight, as we all know, was a bitch. i had a stop over in portland, so i didn't even access the internationals gate until then. but as soon as i had, i saw all those japanese people people crowding around and i felt an almost sense of welcoming back.

 

i look out the window on the plane somewhere halfway over the pacific, and really couldn't believe what i was doing. here i was, on this plane alone, looking back on the past 6 months and all the work i did to get this far.. i was actually pulling it off. but yet the real trial was only about to just begin. i was nervous though.... would nagisa even really meet me at the airport?

 

*note to self: buy spicier salsa next time*

 

i landed in narita. it was a nostalgic trip for me. not like today where i'm "yup. it's narita. again.." back then i was i "holy fucking christ man! i'm here! AGAIN! look at this place with all the japanese hotties and cute anime welcome signs!"

 

at customs i had my brief moment of utter fear as the immigration agent asked me why i had left after only a couple months on a student visa - - - and why am i back now. but that was nothing a few remarks to language program and visiting friends couldn't handle, and i was waved through.

 

i went down that escaletor from immigration into baggage claim. my heart starting pounding as i imagined nagisa standing just behind the fogged glass. i figured i'd best clean myself up in the restroom, and duely appreciated the cleanliness of narita's. even today they're a welcome relief from the shitrooms in jfk.

 

after i'd finished admiring myself in the mirror i checked my watch and noted the luggage carousel well emptied.... it was time to do this. i grab my bags, walked straight through customs... my pulse racing as i went through the sliding door behind the fogged glass.

as i walked through the doors, i immediately recognized the girl standing in the lobby waiting for me. i hadn't seen her for months, but there she was, in her nice blue jeans and black jacket, her hair pulled back and her hands in front pockets. her smile was as lovely and dangerously seductive as ever.

 

"Spaz!" she called out. she took her hands from her pockets, outstretched arms and paced towards me for welcomed hug.

 

feeling her pressed against me was intoxicatingly surreal. still, the line, while blurred, was most definitely there. we were to be on strictly friends-terms.

 

we chatted a bit, hopped the train and headed towards chiba.

 

the conversation wasn't anything ground breaking. just mostly how things have been going.

 

she saw me off at chiba, it was already 8 and she had to get back home. besides, i was fucking tired and just needed to crash at my hotel.

 

i woke up around midnight and called up..... akio.

 

"hey dude how are you?"

 

"dude, you fucking made out with my girl"

 

"what? hey, no no no no dude, man,"

 

"no, dude, just shut the fuck up. hey, i'm chiba now,"

 

"dude, you want a place to stay?"

 

now this was not expected. then again, despite the... complications, the offer could serve for enticing redemption. considering my hotel would be running over $100 a night.

 

we met up at this little dingy bar in chiba. it was a tequila themed place, with only about 6 stools and about 60 flavors of tequila. we and one old japanese salaryman were the only customers. i was surprised the place was still open.

 

"dude, i am so fucking sorry man."

 

akio talked just like the big lebowski. a fucking trip, couldn't believe the dude was japanese.

 

he pinned it on the alcohol.... of course it didn't fly with me, but what would? he tried to segway a bit into nagisa being a girl that doesn't know what she wants, that maybe i shouldn't be thinking about her even now, but i wasn't having it. he hadn't even spoken to her since their little engagement 4 months prior.

 

anyway, he offered me up to two weeks stay at his place, and unlimited tequila and burritos at his mexican restaurant in kamogawa. akio's dad, i should mentioned, personally owned a fucking high rise hotel in kahim makuhari.

 

despite what had transpired and the 2 hour commute from kamogawa to chiba, i took him up on his offer and gave him a chance to make amends. after all, i would only total 3 trips to chiba my entire time there....

alright, i've had my first chance at inebriation since classes started this weekend, so i may actually be able to wrap up whatever i can salvage of this trainwreck.

 

Basically, my trip in tokyo was the highest high of my life. i had a birthday coming up.... nagisa had invited me out meet her at chiba station.

 

"fuck her man," akio said in the most unsexual manner.

 

yeah, part of me wanted. as we cruised around kamogawa under the afternoon sun in akio's p.o.s. mirata, the wind blowing with the top down, and a corona on side. yeah. fuck her. i was past that shit. here i am, living it up kamogawa. hanging out at the mexican bar and chattin' up story with jguys and getting play on the side with a couple of hostesses from new zealand of all places. yeah, what the fuck do i need with all the baggage that comes with the chiba girl.

 

i rang her.

 

"nagisa, actually, i can't make it this afternoon."

 

"what? no, come! come! i'm already on my way!"

 

yeah whatever. what the fuck would she be on her way for 3 hours before we're supposed to meet. but, at that point in my life i still hadn't learn to resist the pleas of a desparate girl's voice. i gave akio my sincere pardon and got on the express for chiba.

 

when i finally arrived at chiba station there was no nagisa to be found. suddenly a jgirl i'd never seen before comes up to me.

 

"are you spaz man?"

 

"uh... yeah, who are you? where's nagisa?"

 

before i knew what was happening nagisa, oscar, aline, the nz girls, and a new exchange dude from brasil had me blindfolded and wrapped in party string and other various forms of silly humilation and were dragging across chiba station to a karaoke parlor.

 

the party was great, filled with booze, reminiscing good times, catching up with old friends.

 

but there was also a subtle game being played between nagisa and i. nagisa singing duettes with the new dude from brasil, aline singing with me. the both of us trying to make our own little point to the other.

 

finally, at one point, nagisa and the dude were singing, in harmony, "a whole new world." the fucking flying carpet song from disney's alladin.

 

"ah, fuck," i confided in aline. "it's over, isn't it? you know, i'm okay about it though..."

 

"spaz man," she with that accent as always, "why did you come back to japan?"

 

sure enough, my reason for coming back to japan would be realized.

as the sun set that april afternoon, and curfew for the exchange students neared, we moved out of the karaoke parlor and onto the street for some final birthday goodbyes.

 

it was great, but it was time to go. but first, nagisa whipped out the best fucking double layer strawberry cake i'd ever have. it wouldn't until a year later that i learned she had actually made the fucking thing herself, but it was fucking sweet.

 

alas, final goodbyes were made. but of course, i was no exchange student and nagisa, well, not exactly one either. it was barely 9pm.

 

we hit a up a small little bar specializing in my favorite remedy: tequila. and a variety of mexican imports on the rack.

 

nagisa and i had some of the best conversation at that little 6-stool place in some chiba back-alley. there was just an atmosphere that let things flow. she opened up about things like not knowing what she's doing about college, that she'd taken the tests, but didn't into tokyo (did get into sophia) and was wondering about taking it again.... but wasn't confident she really wanted to study in country at all.

 

we chatted some other stuff, i shared some stupid stories about growing up on a farm town and my dad dynamiting mountains and shit. before we knew it, last train had past.

 

"i'd better get going..." she said with a clear reluctance in her tone.

 

"what are you talking about? you're going to walk all the way inage?"

 

that night we didn't get together, but yet we did sleep together. ending up in some business traveler hotel or something. she made the reservation, claiming she made it for a 2-bed room but we somehow ended up with one (right). we slept on opposite sides.

 

"spaz man," see said under the blankets, "it's funny. i feel like i can just sleep like this because it's you."

 

"yeah. me too."

 

i didn't know what the fuck to make of it, or why i was still holding out to make my move. but whatever. i was sharing a bed with the girl i had been working towards for 9 fucking months, and i could wait a bit longer if that what it would take.

i really, really, shouldn't be writing this essay now. i really, really, should be working on my dynamics homework.

 

then again, i really, really, shouldn't have kept going after nagisa, either.

 

aline told me one more thing that night before we broke off. she said to me,

 

"spaz man," with that lavish accent as always, "i have to tell you something later. it's important."

 

only, much too late would i realize what that meant. or perhaps, i did know, but i kept myself in denial. whatever the case, shortly thereafter i wound up with nagisa at the business hotel.

 

i made my way back to kamogawa and savored the perfectly staged execution of my plan coming to frutition with akio over a few coronas. i didn't even have to call her back; in not even 2 days she was calling me to make sure i hadn't forgotten about my promised day trip to tokyo. the date for this one really would be my birthday.

 

the day finally came, and the experience was one not doubt not exclusive to myself: the jgirl tour. as still a newb in the country, never even being to the city before, the day was great. asakusa, ueno, of course, with a very long, pleasant walk in between. lunch at some oyakodon stall, and eventually, making our way to shibuya just as dusk settled over. it was a fucking poetic experience, there i was, 19, decked out in my best threads and my hot little singing exploring the city the with me under the neon lights and hachiko's eye. we ended up walking to roppongi (damn the girl liked to walk) and had some decent mexican before heading towards tokyo tower. the fucking tower was closed, so we took a stroll around the park nearby. it was pretty quiet, no one else around, and it started to get a bit cold, so i took out a little present for nagisa - a syracuse jacket (where she was hoping to go to school in the fall) and put it over her shoulders. and that was all she needed. i had charmed her to the point where she couldn't resist, and we officially back together. we got the last train back to her place.

 

we spent the next four days living in her bedroom. her mom ordered pizza hut for us and made okonomiyaki. i had achieved my nirvana.

if this were a shakespearean tragedy, this would be act iii.

 

nagisa and i had arranged for her to return to the states together, where we'd spend the summer at my mom's place before heading off to school. i met aline one final time, alone, for a farewell meal at that little yakisoba joint we'd always hit up.

 

"aline, you said you have something important to tell me?"

 

"yes... this. just being here at our restaurant here in chiba."

 

w.t.h.? that's it? eating at our restaurant?

 

truth of the matter was aline was too smart for me, and she watched all too painfully as blindly pursued nagisa, baited with her lure. aline had been planning to visit me in new york with her sister, but they politely canned the trip shortly after the news spread of nagisa spending the summer up there.

 

we parted ways at the airport, and nagisa and i enjoyed our extended honeymoon in new york. but alas, as school began, so did the honeymoon end.

 

it wasn't anything spectacular until the end. but the clues were becoming increasingly clear to everyone except myself. the constant pressure to marry. becoming insanely jealous that one time i worked with the cute korean girl on a project in my japanese class. she stopped singing, and totally took on the shufu role. we had our share of fights over whether she was actually to have a job after graduation. and, of course, just the whole deal of being 19, 20, living with a girl arguing about marriage and buying groceries on friday nights while everyone else in my class was out partying at the frat houses. i was missing my college life fly by me. especially when i got the hots for that cute brown hair girl in physics lab, majoring in math.

 

the frustrations wore thin, and after the freshman year we thought a change of scenery might help, so we transferred to purdue. we also thought it might help if she spent a few weeks back in chiba apart before school.

 

we drove out there to indiana in my pos '87 vette, 15 hours straight, in mid august. and got lost in cornfields for an hour about 5 miles outside campus. the first few days we were, as forrest gump would say "just like peas and carrots again." but like all flawed relationships, all the polish in the world can't hold broken furniture together.

 

but, oh, how spectacular it would be. forget about getting kicked out of japan for jacking off. my little hiroshima was about to explode.

The first couple weeks at purdue should've been great. i had my rotc scholarship, my girl, enrollment in one of the top civil engineering programs in the country. but...

 

i wasn't happy. i don't know what it was. even know, i can't figure what was wrong with me.... except perhaps....

 

it started subtely enough. his name was toshi, and nagisa and i had a conincidental lunch with him a couple times enough. then the weirdness started.

 

"spaz man.... he is so clever"

 

i figured it was interesting that she complimented him on a trait i was previously slammed for in japan

 

whatever. i wasn't sure what was going on, but at the same time i just wasn't comfortable with the way things were going anyway. nagisa was great, sure... but i mean, come on. she was living with me too. i wanted to go out, enjoy my saturday nights, she wanted to just make dinner and eat in.

 

now, i understand, there are times in a man's life when nothing sounds (or smells) better than a homecooked meal waiting especially for you, especially by a janet-dancing singing girl with the most tasteful deserts to follow, but.... well at the same time i was barely 20 years old, an undergrad at a party school with a 100 frats and some of the finest ass around - asian or otherwise.

 

it was frustrating. and to my frustrations, nagisa was not blind. if it wasn't being lately for rotc lead lab, class, or karate, it was telling nagisa i can't spend time with her because of those. at the same time, when i did have free time she had to study. the whole situ just was not in the best of times.

 

then i was awoken by my radio alarm to news of a plane flying in one of the world trade towers. katie curic had a live video feed. i shrugged it off as a freak accident. i took a shower.

 

by the time i got out, both towers were eminating smoke.

 

this was no accident. and i had very close friend on wall street.

 

9/11 did little to enourage me. nagisa and i were crashing quickly. i tried to get her to go to the gym with me, take karate or dance together... i don't know, nothing was working. i spent one night with my engineering group in the lab until 4am.... nagisa was freaked when i finally got home, fearing i was cheating on her the whole time.

 

ah, the irony life would throw at me.

 

 

 

Location: Modern Rome

Joined: June 2003

Posts: 1021

i calmed nagisa down in those wee morning hours. i was exhausted, and would only manage a couple hours sleep before class. i was passing out on the bed in my clothes, nagisa sitting up next me. bitch wouldn't even turn off the light:

 

"spaz man.... if you ever cheat on me... i need you to tell me, okay?"

 

"wahh? huh?"

 

"just promise me you'll tell me."

 

"nagisa.... yeah, sure. i promise."

 

what the fuck was that about. i was so fucking tired, i wouldn't even recall the sublimal message she conveyed that night until long after the storm had cleared.

 

The (hey there's a cap for ya, dickwad 503) next day sucked ass, being up for 730 am lab. but i just needed to move through the motions. and lengthy afternoon nap back at home, and i was awoken to nagisa coming in the door.

 

"Hey nagi, how is it?"

 

"ungh..."

 

oh boy. she was wearing her standard boot-cut blue jeans with white cashmere top and long tan leather seude jacket. with boots too. but the look on her face took away from the effect. it was expressionless.... yet, seemed sad at once. like something was missing.

 

"spaz.... i need to sing. i can't sing here.... it's 'cold'" (mind you, it was a pleasant 75º outside)

 

"well nagisa... i mean... you 'can't sing?' what do you want?"

"i don't know.... i just want to sing. i need energy."

nagisa was talking in her trademark psycho-babble.

 

".... hey, you know there's a best buy i think around here i think. maybe we can pick up a karaoke machine or something? how's that sound?"

 

"really? yeah let's go tonight!"

 

so i got washed up, dressed and we got into my pos '87 corvette and headed in "town."

 

the convo on the car ride is one i remember clearly to this day. i'm sure how it got to where it got to , but i remember verbatim what she said:

 

"spaz man, if you could give me some medicine, some pill that makes me die... that would make me so happy."

 

i was stumped. where the fuck was this coming from? well, turns out asswipe toshi - who was also an "artist" according to nagisa - was feeding neitzche. he even gave a jap version her a jap version of "the antichrist."

 

now, before i type out how i responded to her comment, you must understand something: at the time i was barely 20 years old, and myself knew dick about life, much less how talk to someone at a lost for purpose. and i had no idea what the antichrist was written about.

 

"well, nagisa," i just audibly murmered,

"some people turn to religion when they're having a hard time."

 

genius. pure fucking genius. if there was a defining moment, a discernable shift if you will, in how nagisa had taken to me, in retrospect i'd say that was probably.

 

nagisa let an exasperated sigh. we picked up her new karaoke box at best buy. i would never hear her sing on it.

fucking sham i have to finish this off as a guest... you gonna take care of that kawama? for fucks sake you pinned the damn thread.

 

i visited my mom's house over thanksgiving. scrumagging through the basement i found nagisa's christmas present to me, our first and only christmas together. it was a photo album of her childhood, with a couple more recent photos. aside from one photo i took of the two of us, it's the only record i have of her.

 

after best buy that evening in september 2001, nagisa and i headed to a mexican restaurant.... i hadn't eaten out for quite some time, and the mexican was refreshing. but no matter how genki i felt then and there, i felt like a wanna be player with no game as nagisa sighed and gave me sympathy smiles throughout the dinner. she was one unhappy girl.

 

we drove home. nagisa went out for a walk.... she called me from a pay phone about an hour later - one fucking long walk.

 

"spaz man... i need to talk"

 

"nagisa? why are you still out? it's getting cold jyanai?"

"i.... i, spaz man i need to talk... please,"

 

"well yeah, what is it?"

 

"can you come to the park benches, across from the apartments?"

 

here's where i put the final fuck into our fucked relationship. there was this fucking annoying bitch that lived next to us, always fucking knocking on my door and shit, kind of bitch that walked around the parking lot in her bra knocking on the neighbors door for an annoying fuck with any poor sap willing to go along with it. she came by just before i headed to meet up with nagisa, and insisted i take a rose out to her. just so happens the bitch had a rose for me to take out to her.

 

so, in my fucking navity of youth, i carried the damn rose out to nagisa.

 

and so i put my jacket and headed out. there was nagisa. sitting, facing towards the moon with her head hanging down and long black knit overcoat thing that girls sometimes wear.

 

..... nagisa turned and the first thing she saw was the rose, me holding straight out, completely oblivious to the sheer idiocy of what i was doing. her eyes darted right towards my right hand holding the rose

 

"spaz man.... *sigh* what are you doing? you don't understand anything, do you?"

 

"nagisa, what, .. what do you mean?"

 

"spaz man, what are you doing? i need someone to TALK to, not, not this. what are you doing..... you just don't understand"

 

and she was completely right. i didn't understand. because i didn't understand nihlism, didn't understand purpose, didn't understand meaning.... and all those things everyone eventually seeks on their search for spirituality or meaning or whatever.

 

so i stood there, dumbfounded, like the sophmore year idiot i was. nagisa's words were:

 

"spaz man, just go. it was a mistake to call you here."

 

and so i left.

okay, so i'm gonna do something here that'll be a first and last:

 

post this story sober.

 

 

 

i have no coke for my rum, and i'm too tired to go downstairs and get some. so,

 

i left nagisa there, sitting alone on the bench as the cool evening breeze came over. i also started to feel something come over myself. it was hard to describe, like that feeling you get when you're on a 14 hour flight bound for narita and you remember you left something back home. at that moment i didn't even feel like nagisa and i were a couple, much less living together in the apartment. it was an odd, anxious feeling. an augury of sorts, perhaps.

 

given the recent events in new york the week prior, and a little sideshow going on with my parents' divorce, i booked a weekend trip home in upstate new york. figured it'd do some good to have a break between nagisa and i too, get our heads cleared up.

 

my mom picked me up at the airport around 8pm. when i got home i saw my cat, "kitty." turns out in the mere weeks i'd been away, kitty had gotten fucking nasty sick. he was always fat cuddly bastard. and i found him now all shriveled up in his little cubby. he was like a feline version of those skin and bone kids you see dying in ethiopia. poor fucking kitty. i loved that fucking cat, and i stayed up with him for the next 8 hours. he couldn't even eat, but he could purr when i petted him. he died right there beside at 6 in the morning.

 

poor fucking kitty. made me fucking cry. bastard.

 

so i called up one of my buddies from the area, told him about poor fucking kitty and how everything seemed to be going to shit. i washed up kitty and he helped me build a little coffin and we buried poor fucking kitty in my mom's back yard. after the ceremony we ate breakfast at a truck stop.

 

feeling i had earned my little life's drama with this event, i head back to purdue the next day, feeling a bit wiser, a bit humbler than i had left. and i was really, really looking forward to seeing nagisa.

i arrived that sunday evening in west lafayette. nagisa hadn't answered the phone when i called prior to departure. i didn't think much of it.

 

i drove up to our apartment around the school. nagisa wasn't home. must be studying in the dorm lounge across the street. she wasn't there.

 

perhaps in the library. not on any of the four floors there either. exhausted, i called it a night and crashed, figuring i'd wake up next to her. i never would.

 

the next morning i was feeling distressed, like something horrible had happened. well, something did happen. whether it was horrid or not depended on your perspective i suppose. i looked around again the apartment. i noticed that morning, oddly and cliche enough, her toothbrush was not in the medicine cabinet.

 

monday i missed my first class, but made the rest. i was done around 3. went home. still no sign of nagisa. i was beginning to worry. i began calling a couple of her friends. no answer. i was beginnning to feel... uneasy.

 

that evening i began to consider filing a missing person's report to the police. i was walking back from the "train station" - a building at purdue that was once a bonnafide train station decades ago, now a student area with a few restaurants in the basement. she wasn't there. i was walking the mile stretch or so along university ave back to our apartment. there was quite a few restaurants and dorms along the street. and within the dorms, there were more restaurants.

 

i passed through one of the dorms, one that had a little pizza shop that sold shitty quesadillas and other shit-food.

 

nagisa was there. her long black hair, smiling face. her sly eyes. so was....

 

toshi.

so there i was standing outside looking in the restaurant window alone like sad little scrooge while the ghost of christmas past shows him what he's missing.

 

i decided to make my move.

 

"nagisa, where have you been?! i've been going fucking crazy looking for you! what are you doing?"

 

Nagisa just had this funny mitsukacchatta look on her face.

 

"nagisa? what's going on?"

 

the most fucking memorable line i ever heard from an ex:

 

"spaz man, i don't love you. i don't hate you. i just don't care."

 

"w-what? i'm sorry? you just don't care? what do you mean?"

 

"spaz, i just don't care. i don't feel from you."

 

"oh, and you feel for this?" i gestured towards toshi.

 

she just just hung her head down like a little girl that got caught with her hand in the cookie. and toshi put his hand on her thigh. i started feeling a bit lightheaded.

 

"nagisa, two years, two fucking years. and leave for one weekend and come back to this?"

 

"spaz man, it wasn't 2 years." oh big fuck. so 22 months.

"and spaz, i can't give you my feeling. you know, i am japanese, and i speak japanese, so i can only give my true feeling in japanese. like you can only give your feeling in english."

 

toshi looked at her, smiling like a fucking dog trainer watching his animal heel on cue. it was disgusting.

 

i wish i could say i jumped that fucking little prick right there, but all i did was walk away. if i knew i was going to leave purdue next week, i would have thrown the fucking table.

 

at that point i still hadn't even really been hit with the wave, but it was definitely in the post. i got on the computer at home, where her email was still set up. a couple days later in her inbox was an email from toshi with some pics of the two of them putting on some costumes and shit. in one of them toshi had his tongue on her face. i decided to reformat the hard drive and burn any passwords written down.

 

i'd see nagisa on campus a couple times, and she'd just give me the cold shoulder. i couldn't believe just 2 weeks we were lying in bed naked. everything was fucked up.

 

i started cleaning her left over shit out of the apartment. she conveniently planted my favorite panties in my top drawer. not sure what the fuck she was trying to say with that. folding one of my pairs of jeans i found a note inside. it was an email address from heilyong, a girl from korea i chatted with in the cafe car once on the amtrak to syracuse. she said she was on her chicago.

 

i was tired of shit. tired of nagisa. fucking terrorists. fucking parents' divorce. fucking cat dying. and fucking purdue. everytime i walked on campus i was wondering if i'd see nagisa today.

 

i sent off an email to heilyong. didn't expect a reply; it was after all over a year ago. but low and behold, 4 hours later:

 

"spaz man! wow you're in indiana? i'm in chicago!"

 

yeah, there was more to it, but that's all that mattered. after two weeks of laying in my fucking bed feeling sorry for myself, i figured i needed another change of scenery. so i packed what i could into my pos black 87 corvette, had my last meal at the campus dining hall, and headed onto i-65.

 

i never saw nagisa again.

kind of fell apart there at the end, but hell, it really did kind of fall apart.

 

in chicago i met up with heilyong. so happens she had a japanese friend kuniko, and i realized i needed to get back to japan. i worked some construction, saved up some money and spent winter in thailand and china doing the "i'm twenty and pimping it out in asia" thing.

 

i did speak to nagisa once more on the phone, briefly. it was summer 05, just before i proposed to my wife. her mom answered the phone and was all wow spaz man you can speak japanese now!? genki?! nagisa came on the line with this monotonic, melancholy tone in her voice. considering she was still living with her folks, i figured things hadn't gone as well with toshi as she had hoped. she dropped out of purdue under toshi's prompting that fall, and went back to japan to try to stake out a living with him. her voice was different than i remembered. she didn't say much, and when i inquired as to if everything was ok, she just said mo denwa shinaide kudasai. i felt it funny she hadn't mentioned that the whole conversation was in japanese. she didn't even speak a word of english.

 

so that's it. i still have her number, and i'd still like to know the real story behind what happened afterwards, but that's something that'll just have to wait for now.

 

BY SPAZMAN

 

BACK TO THE YD BOOK